EXCERPT FROM ‘Looking after toddlers is hard – and what we can do about it’

by Simone Davies

Don’t take it personally. In Montessori, we see the adult –the teacher/parent/carer – as the child’s guide.

Your toddler is not trying to wind you up. If anything, when they test our limits, we can feel honoured that they trust that we will continue to love them even when they test us.I love saying, “It’s hard to see you having a hard time. I’m here if you’d like some help.” This helps us be our child’s rock able to support them, separates what is our child’s problem from what is our problem, and enables us to respond rather than be reactive.

Set up a ‘yes’ space. In Montessori, we call this the prepared environment.

Have at least one area of your home where your child can explore freely and safely. If you keep saying “no” to them touching some furniture or electronics, is there a way you can set up your home to remove these inviting things?

Also we can set up our homes so our child can be independent. For example, so they can help themselves to a drink, reach the sink to wash their hands, have their plate and cutlery down low to be able to access them independently. We can also have a few well-selected activities at their height so they can choose from these all by themselves.

Understand that toddlers have a need for order. In Montessori, we call this a sensitive period for order.

They like things to be the same routine everyday and done in the same way. This may even mean that they would like the same spoon for breakfast each day. When we understand this, we can make things less frustrating for them by mostly doing things the same; or providing them understanding if this cannot happen.

See your child is unique. In Montessori, we call this follow the child.

This helps us stop comparing to others and what is ‘normal’. Rather we can see our child developing on their own timeline, at their own pace, with their own interests. Use information as a guide only and it’s ok to get help if your child struggles in an area, for example, verbal communication.

This challenges us to accept our child for who they are.

Look after yourself. In Montessori, this is also part of the preparation of the adult.

If we are tired or get ill, we cannot look after our children in a calm way. So finding ways for self care does not have to make you feel guilty.It may be having a bath in the evening, making time to meet up with friends, or arranging a friend to come over so you can go out to dinner with your partner if you have one.

But it can also be during the day with your toddler – having a cup of tea at hand, putting on some of your favourite music to dance to, using essential oils, and – my favourite – heading outdoors.

Involve your child in daily life. Instead of feeling like we need to entertain our child the whole day, in Montessori we involve the child in practical life.

These are the things we do around the home on a day to day basis, from preparing food to cleaning to getting groceries at the store or preparing for visitors.

Rather than thinking that we need to turn on the TV so we can do our jobs around the home, our toddlers love to contribute and be a part of these daily life activities. You can follow this link to see some age appropriate “chores.”

It’s a long-term game not a short-term fix. Raising a child doesn’t happen overnight. In fact, in a Montessori approach we are often planting the seeds for what we will only see grow later in their lives.

Instead of a giving them a sticker as a quick bribe, in Montessori we continually get them to recognise their own effort.

Instead of putting them into time out, in Montessori we help them learn how to calm down and to make amends.

Advanced tip: look at what triggers you and do some inner work on it.
In Montessori, this comes under the spiritual preparation of the adult.

If you find that you are triggered by your toddler’s behaviour, we can look at the root cause. Often we need to work on something ourselves, perhaps from our childhood or a strong personality trait, that is being activated by our child.

For me, it was letting go of some control, that things weren’t going to be perfect. And I keep working on this and see that imperfect is ok too.

The only thing left to reassure you is that the physical demands of raising a toddler and the sleepless nights will not last forever. I have two young adults who are trying to be independent in other ways and I still try to be their rock to support them. But I get a full night’s sleep and to enjoy the fruits of this parenting journey.

Via Simone Davies : The Montessori Notebook: Notes, Ideas & E-Courses